IRC Humor

New stuff at bottom of page. If your name or something you said is here, and you have a problem with that, let me know. Edited to make sense and remove extra stuff. As seen on IRC and instant messengers (and ... well, general real quotes from real people).

> its always fun until some fs gets killed
(fs = filesystem)

> no. luke.force()
> or luke->force()

> jim doesnt smoke. clinton doesnt [censored]
* satyap ducks to avoid the flying vax

> everyone please reclaim your clones from the check-in counter on your way out!

> i think my swapfile just expanded again.
> who put viagra on my win95??

> kriss: linux sux
* satya- ducks as varios linux docs fly thru the air at him
<Kriss> sat - My workstation does not agree with you :)
> kriss: my linux partition can beat up your linux partition!

> and
(gac = get a clue)

> linux solutions in an ms databse! that'll be the day!

> alt.cigarrete.cough.cough.cough

<topsyturvy> toefl = totally opaque eccentric fellow lampoon

> heh. in one of /etc's denizens i found this line: #this is a comment. i like comments

> good ghod, prashi knows less linux than i do!
<prashi> er satya = goof. /me=big goof

> he's dead, jim. omigosh! they killed ensign kenny! you klingon [bleep]s!

> i know what im doing.
> ...excuse me, something just crashed

(crab on Linux)
<crab> my OS doesn't support viruses.
(About linux load averages:)
<crab> dlksndv: fight? who said anything about fight? this is a mild altercation :)
> crab: linux is involved. its a fight. trust me.

> ./topic [insert_topic_here]
<Surfer97> ./topic Topic? What topic?
<topsyturvy> NullPointerException at ./topic [insert_topic_here]

> is that a countdown?
> thats a countdown
> ok, what exploded?
> ah. *that* exploded.

<Surfer97> Surfers lesson of life, if the salsa says EXTRA Hot, it MEANS Extra hot

<Shanna> Linux is user friendly, just very picky about who its friends are :)

> you need the right rights, to be able to write right, but if you dont have the right to write, its not right to write.

*** Signoff: MrGarrison (You're never too old to learn something stupid)

<ben6> cia cows in air moo

* MrGarrison swipes P2501's keyboard
* MrGarrison swipes P2501's monitor too
* satya- grabs the rest of p2501's system

> pop quiz, hotshot: you have a trashed mbr and a virus pointed at your kernel. what do you do? what do you do??

<Surfer971> /whois luke_skywalkers_father

> hey! you used the Farce on me!

<Surfer971> the gist is, if you put HTML in e-mail, it will look stupid in many e-mail clients and people will point and yell lamer lamer at you all day long until your boss hears and fires you and you become a useless drunk passed out on the floor and finally you get so fat the floor colapses and you land on somebody, get sued, then jump off a building

> size matters not. judge me by my size, do you? -- yoda to godzilla
> *splat* -- godzilla to yoda

> windowsHAL9000: Ctrl-Alt-Del, Dave, why dont you take a stress pill while i shut down the AE35 unit? I'm waiting to display the shhhutdown dialog...
> Open the CD bay doors, HAL
> HALWIN9K: Im afraid i can't do that Dave. I'm out of memory.

<Kenneth> eeeeeeks Lynx is not table friendly
> kenneth: where we're going we dont _need_ tables!

<ams_> satya: you live in an inverted pyramid?

> "the computer is your friend" -- /usr/games/paranoia

> im no expert, i only play one on irc

<Jim-> college is actually good for me apparently, I wander off otherwise.

* satya- looks inside his comp: soundcard is a couple of birds from the flintstones

> input matters not! judge me by my input, do you?

> when [deleted] years old you reach, type as good you will not, hmm?

> dst is a stupid hack, and i refuse to correct for it
(dst= Daylight Saving Time)

* satya- runs out of bufefr space and falls of the edge of te memory

<surfer971> [...] and unix people DO NOT bold stuff, or they get a thwapping

<nikk> where can I get the source for kernel32 ? a VC proggy keeps crashing with it
> nikk: try
<nikk> satya : cool
> nikk: er
> i doubt you'll find it
<nikk> satya : what ? they don't give the source for download ? what do I have to do ? order it on CD ?
> nikk: dunno
<nikk> hmm.. doubt that company will survive.. people will never buy software if they can't get the source
<nikk> maybe some one should write their CEO and tell him

(on porting DJGPP to Linux:)
<P2501> ...why port something that is a port to another operating system, back to the operating system that it originally started out on?

<MarsSaxman> just think! you could combine all the stability, predictability, and coherence of Windows with all the user-friendliness and ease of use of Linux

<Surfer971> I can't understand it when people say "well, my computer has a old 2 gig hard drive and a old P200 processor" they obviously have never used a *NIX --Surfer971

> jim: you lag
<deduncan> Jim is half asleep hehe
<Dun-> Actually he's half awake.
<CCCirrus> well Dun- better then half dead
> nono, he's alertness-challenged

<Ferric> satya-: i just heard this. ``Pascal is a language. C is an attitude =)''

<Jim-> We'll beat them all we'll probably have n Italian prime minister.
(ca. January 1999)

> ap: no one here has a clue, we only pretend to. you can do it, too

* SuperID rummages through a box of spare and expired clues

Not on irc, but it's funny: fetchmail was still running around like a headless chicken so i killed it again.

> p3: maybe
* P2501 sees "p3" and gets confused
* satya- confuses p2

*** CTCP VERSION reply from S3rf-fu: WebTV;1.4 :Hell, this is even better than MinIRC. Honest.

<Ferric> ap: wth did you kill inetd?
> fe: er, nobody's using it...

> jim: i saw the blue camel in a shop at fort today for 285, should i grab it?
* top_ wonders what a blue camel looks like
<top_> i seen camel colored camels, but not blue
> top:like a regular camel, only blue

* BigRick gives the bot a paid trip to tijuana :)
* P2501 dresses up as a bot, and takes a trip to Tijuana

* satya- runs around screaming "lilo lilo"
* P2501 runs around screaming "LI" and then freezes

<Serf-fu> satya-: weren't you the one that wanted a computer named after them?
> serf: yes... am i in trouble?
> hmm. can i telnet into me?

* Serf-fu throws an angry m00k0w at deduncan
<Serf-fu> mr0k!#@!#$
* deduncan throws an angry rooster at Serf
> serf: you alright? you sniffing the toner again?
* Serf-fu throws an angry dingo at deduncan
* Allisha just sits on the edge and observes
* deduncan throws an angry Bill Gates at Serf
* Serf-fu throws Bill Gate's flowbe at deduncan
* Allisha pushes deduncan over the edge ;)
* deduncan throws Serf a few trillon AOL and MSN and WIN and NT cds :_)
<Serf-fu> deduncan: oooh. Look at ALL the coasters and bathroom tiles
* Serf-fu retiles his bathroom and coasters every table in the world
<rajabose> serf..cds will make slippery tiles;)
* satya- pushed rb into serf's new bathroom
* deduncan chunks many packerf=d bel and ompaqs at serf
<rajabose> satya *twhap*
* rajabose puts satya's head thru the hole in the cds
* deduncan chunks many compaqs packerd bells and webtvs at Serf
<Serf-fu> deduncan: ooooooh. Boat anchors.
* deduncan laffs at Serf
* deduncan chunks a few millon angry penguins at Serf

* Jim- ponders about going down and hanging around with shady people.
<_ams> jim: as if you aren't doing that now

<CCCue> is Ferric alive?
> cccue: no, his /dev/hda5 is dead
<rajabose> he choked on his linux howto a while ago hehe

* hunchback sends out a gentle reminder that talking to him won't serve any purpose since he's dead

<Serf-> the enternet!#@$#!$%#@$%
> zxx: never heard of the enternet
<rajabose> enternet????
<Serf-> WTF in an enternet!@#$!$%@$% I can't parse it!@##$

<rajabose> Serf YEAH MINE IS A 1970 MODEL
<kase-> SATYA: THAT W0U1D B3 C001.
<_ams> Y3W Skr1P7 K1|)\)13Z D0n\_/7 gn0 h0w t0 t4LK.

<Alakazam65> spam is like 203948203 lines, and that's not even spam, its flooding

You're contradicting yourself, Sherlock.

> to quote stephen king (iirc) in it (iirc) "pardon my french if you're a religious man"
<rajabose> satya eh?
> rb: i said 'to quote stephen king (iirc) in it (iirc) "pardon my french if you're a religious man"'
<rajabose> satya- eh?
> rb: i said 'rb: i said 'to quote stephen king (iirc) in it (iirc) "pardon my french if you're a religious man"''
<rajabose> satya eh?
> rb: for the last time, i said "rb: i said 'rb: i said 'to quote stephen king (iirc) in it (iirc) "pardon my french if you're a religious man"''"
<rajabose> satya for the last time eh?
<Serf-> rb: for the last time! he said, "rb: for the last time, i said "rb: i said 'rb: i said 'to quote stephen king (iirc) in it (iirc) "pardon my french if you're a religious man"''""

* Serf- throws a penguin at satya-
* satya- wants a real OS
> 100mph penguins
<Serf-> satya-: get Windows 95! Since it ROCKS! If only linux could be as good as Win95!@# </sarcasmic>
<HunchbaksesEvilTwin> Get win98 it cradles
> serf: </instigatory>
<Blue-Yoshi> It's Official.... this room is the new cure for Insomnia~~~

<Ferric> ap: stop behaving like an ub3r3l337 h4xx0r d3wd and say hi with the same enthu. :P
> hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 &*%*^&#*&#$%(%#
<Jim-> satya - stop acting like a #TeenTalk lamer
> jim: i was following ferric' instructions
> but then fe is a #teentalk lamer

> i moo therefore i am

*** CTCP VERSION reply from enygma: ircII 2.8.2-EPIC3.004 *IX - All the things phone wont include.....

* BigRick has the linux virus on his win95 box, it's taking up 2GB and win95 can't get it off :)
<^Phantom> Big, u sure u don't have that backwards?

> you can fit a webserver in a matchbox, if you belive pcq
<nikk> satya : you don't ???? ;)
<Jim-_> now panwalas will start selling webservers like thy sell ace mobile sim cards.

<_ams> raja: have an exam tomorrow?
<_ams> raja: wtf are you doing on irc?
> #echo _ams
<Jim-_> wtf am I doing on irc?
<nxterm> Jim: making weird symbols come up on the screen?
*** Signoff: Jim-_ (study())
> weird symbols?
<nxterm> sat: yeah, like 'a' and 'b' and 'c'
<_ams> jim: you're beyond hope anyway :)
> nx: give xample of non-weird symbols
<nxterm> sat: colon. %&$*)&)&$% are not weird

* Serf- makes nonsense sounds at mrg

* satya- ponders bugging nxterm to look at my code, too
<Raja^^> satya spare ppl. the torture of viewing your code:)
<nxterm> sat: I looked at your code.
<nxterm> sat: it looks very cod-y
<nxterm> but I don't know C very much so I can't comment
> cod-y = cod-like = stinky
<Raja^^> satya yer code looks like a garishly dressed piglet:)
> rb: yu would know, wouldnt you? :)
<nxterm> sat: cod-y = code-y = looks an awful lot like non-English stuff

<KathyCCC> hehe .. what's all that?
<nxterm> weirdness
<P2501> kathy: insanity
> alt.cascade
<KathyCCC> Oh, good, then

* kase- picos
<Serf-> kase-: pico? vi owns you!@#
<kase-> Serf-: pico is cute.
<Serf-> kase-: boo.
<MarsSaxman> pico is friendly and smiling.
<Serf-> vi is hot.

* lsystemkiled <---- nikk.
* lsystemkiled has been system killed

<TeresaCCC> Fe.... come here so I can strangle you.
* Ferric goes there to get strangled.

<Ferric> [...] life is evil.
> fe: ok ::dies::

> tc18: shh. be vewy quiet. i'm hunting l4m3rz

<MrData> Bah-: The engines actually move when you do maneuvers.. it handles like a flying saucer
<Cowboy_At_Heart> MrData, and how do they know how a flying saucer handles?
> C@H: they've tested the ones at roswell!@#*)%*
<Bah-> C@H NASA had built an xperimental saucer in 1950s

* satya- ponders flock()
* Jim- ponders fnctl() for the heck of it.

<_crab> puine?
<_crab> why ppune?
<_crab> and apprently i can't spell it right two times out of three

<Jim-> satya-: tell them I don't look like my old pic anymore.
> he doesnt look like his old pic anymore
> these are not the pics you're looking for
> you dont need to see his pics
> he can signoff now
> move along, move along

> im gonna make perl do some weird things...
<kase-> satya-: make it boil an egg.

* RuneB ponders
* satya- watches runeb ponder, is fascnted and stuff

<Serf-> augh. mirc is freaking me out
* satya- freaks serf uot a bit more
* satya- mutters bsod in serf's specific direction

<P2501> serf: being freaked out by / using mIRC
* satya- freaks p out for a while
* satya- sits *real* close to p.
<P2501> augh! satya-'s freaking me out!

* MrGarrison dies
* P2501 runs over mrg's body
* satya- steals mrg's hardware
<BigRick> satya-: don't forget about the 486DX2/66 that's OCed to 80MHz
* satya- steals mrg's hardware
<BigRick> satya-: can I have it back (so I can resell it back to mrg) :)

<Onnud> cmon now something has to be goin on?
> dunnO
<Onnud> Hiya -aytas
* satya- pushes awaterbuffalo at Onnud (it moos)

<Onnud> what are exams?
> onnud: helltime
* satya- runs around screaming "Inductors! inductors!"
* SuperID increases satyas mu
<Onnud> satya. dont get me started i can tell ya some stories.
* satya- starts onnud
* satya- fluxes
* SuperID Webbers
> uhhh i dont have a coefficient of mutual inductance yet

> oh wait the milk is still rocky
<serf-> rocky milk?
> yez
> it be frozen
* serf- boggles at satya-'s milk
* satya- imagines serf boggling at milk, falls over

> there's a lizard running around
<Serf--> satyabhai: why is there a lizard running around? ;)
> serf: it may be my pet
<Serf--> satyabhai: ah
> serf: sorta
> i see it, it sees me, i bolt in one direction, it bolts in opposite direction

<Serf-> satya-: you're running right now
> make sure i dont bump into things

> cccue:if ya missed runeb, i suggest you aim a little to the left :)

> why, we got star wars 4 5 6 just a year ago!
> we're that out of date.
> it's the fault of the monkey driving the film projector, of course
*** CTCP TIME reply from satya-: Mon Jun 14 23:38:53 1999
<Naashak_Bar00d> satya monkey?
<Shanna> according to Jim, it is elephant powered :)
> shanna: jim doesnt get out of his hut, mush
> s/mush/much
> we replaced the elephant with a monkey, more efficient
* Shanna loves it when Jim tells TeresaCCC elephant stories :)
> bwahahahhaha
<CCCue> but but elephants are fun!
<Shanna> They are when Jim tells it CCCue :)
<Naashak_Bar00d> elephants rock but take up too much maintenance time
> yeah and the stage breaks when they rock

* P2501 idly wonders why there are so many damned words for fear in latin
<CCCue> P2501 because fear is so prevalent?
<RuneB> P2501: because the mages kept coming up with new ways of making their spells sound new and fearful?

> it says "Hi, I'm qmail :)"
> or something like that
<ToiletDuk> i don't know if i approve of a mail server saying hi, but i would l ike the speed increase :)
> i dont approve of a mail server saying hi
> a mail server (esp. sendmail) shoudl say "woof"
<ToiletDuk> satya-: i think it should say "uNF"

<pOey`> )(O"
* satya- peers at poey's keybaord
<pOey`> }2\=2===
<pOey`> +9
> and her keyboard, too
* pOey` tosses cat
* enygma points out pOey`s cats handywork
> roflmao
* ArCCCturus moves poey's cat

* satya- sits around staring at nothing
* ArCCCturus sits around staring at satya- ;)
* satya- is stared at

<RuneB> ooh, spam!

> look, i'm a luser but i'm ot stupid
> correction, i am stupid

* P2501 has returned - but why??

* Allesse grrrrs
<Ferric> and now, if we haven't had enough. a grrrring allesse.

> wait. the room's usually NOT friendly. The channel is, but only to non-lusers

<Jim-> satya-: i'll have to wear sidey formal clothes :-(
<Jim-> satya-: formal clothes are sidey, imo.
<Jim-> satya-: i might have to traval to sidey places too :)
> jim: what work are you doing?
<Jim-> satya-: web bofh.
> jim: that's an oxymoron

<Kishar> the Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence over a proxy?
<Nomadd> It's how you search for proxy aliens.

(From this point on, the format will change slightly)

IRC log started Sat Jul  3 23:10
>    NOTICE: We collect personal information on this site.
> well, i dont give it so thppt

IRC log started Mon Jul  5 22:27
> C@H: that's nothing. i dont have stdio.h, although i suspect that's my fault

MSN 2003-09-22:
(14:49:55) Kulin: i'm a noob. Craziness becomes me

On Tue, 12 Dec 2000 22:04:49 +1100, Lionel Lauer wrote:
>Kibo informs me that (void) stated that:
>>On Mon, 11 Dec 2000 23:43:25 +0530, Satya wrote:
>>>Hah. I walk. That happens when I walk. I walk fast. Short sentences? The
>>>room is spinning.
>>Hey I have an idea -- when Satya passes out, let's dye his hair purple
>>or something.
>& shave off one of his eyebrows.
(I miss the blog bus:)

On 21 Dec 2000 14:50:06 -0500, William Beegle wrote:
>like that. Isn't there a weblog somewhere where you can ask this sort of

What the hell is a weblog?

I got an email[0] from someone blathering about weblogs and how she took
down her website and put up a weblog instead, and I should look into it.

[0] Which I'm now assuming to be spam -- it was generic enough. Didn't
report that one, though.
On Tue, 26 Dec 2000 01:19:38 GMT, Mike Andrews wrote:
>Actually, he left it out on purpose, knowing that the Compaq
>vict^Wowners among us would understand the Pain of Compaq fully.

"Victims of the almighty Compaq: His Excellency hopes that you will die
honorably^W. But should any of you wish to re format, the great Pizza
the Hutt will now listen to your pleas."

"Vaio, you tell that slimy piece of... worm-ridden filth it'll get no such
pleasure from us. Right?"

I hope no one's ever done this before (peers across at other thread).

To Satya's computer humor page