"Open Source" as computer languages

The following is my reply to the UUASC mailing list. Dustin had just posted this:
Hmm, wouldn't the "unix way" be open_source for the public definition, _open_source for the details, and OPEN_SOURCE for the preprocessor symbol that tells you whether something is or is not open source?
To which I replied:

That's the C way.

The C++ way:
OpenSource, which gives you objects that may be open_source but you'll have to call is_OS or is_os.

The Java way:
Same as the C++ way, but you have to call java.OpenSource.type.case.upper and ...case.lower.

The Perl way:
Source::Open, but you have to read the crappy CPAN docs -- which are filed under Larry_Wall/Source/Open/3/3.0 and don't tell you much any way.

The *nix way:

The Debian way:
Look in /etc/open_source, find that's a symlink to /usr/share/open_source, find that it contains a comment to /usr/local/open_source.

The DJB way:
Look in /djbtools/os

The Microsoft way:
Registry key HKEY_LOCAL\Computer\Microsoft\Open Source\Shell\Binding, which is a DWORD set to 0x0a000000 or 0x00003400.

The Firefox way:
2 doxen plugins, all named things like OpenSource, SourceOpen, open_sores, WallysOpenSourceExtension...

The sendmail way:
m4 macro OPENSOURCE, or edit the config file and set the SO directive.

The Solaris way:
Oh, er, that's what we were discussing, never mind.

The DOS way:
Bad command or filename

The cmd.exe way:
C:\Windows\Documents and Settings\Default User> Open Source
Open is a directory or command that could not be found
C:\Windows\Documents and Settings\Default User> Open\ Source
[blue screen]

(Sorry, I don't remember cmd.exe's convoluted error message)

The XML way:
<xml xmlns="http://www.xml.com/398./e7uds/foo.xsl">
<source xmlns="http://yaddayadda">
<open type="solaris" id="0">
(insert license agreement here)

The BOFH way:
"Open source? All I see in your directory is pron."

(I have added some formatting to that. the original was plain text.)

Like I said in my blog, I forgot to include PHP, which would be:
open_isource() (case insensitive version),
eopensource() (someone's extended version).